I have quite a few business friends. From time to time, they asked me to help them select the right candidates through telephone interviews. This week, I talked with 10 applicants on the phone. All of them are intelligent, bi-lingual in English and Chinese, and sweet-natured, all with certain quality that position is looking for. Once again, I felt sorry to put away some great resumes of the candidates who cut my asking all the time and gave me pre-scripted answers which are not even relevant to my questions. That brings us to the golden rule again-- When you don’t listen closely to others, you not only hurt them, but also yourself.

Many people wonder at the secret of a successful business interview. Well, a successful business interview is built up on many details. Above all the skills and techniques, being a good listener is one of the easiest yet most important ways to be successful. According to former Harvard president Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about business intercourse. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.”

With two ears and one mouth, we are all supposed to be twice as good listeners as talkers. But we are not so. It’s interesting that even though we can’t actually shut our ears, we somehow still manage to. Research shows that we usually listen to only 20% of what others say to us. We never listen to anyone for long. We only listen to what we want to hear. We tend to talk incessantly about ourselves. If we have an idea while the other person is talking, we bust right in and interrupt in the middle of their talking…However, being a good listener is really the easiest yet most important way to be successful, whether it’s in our career, marriage or with friends. As Jack Woodford wrote in <Strangers in Love>, “Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.”

So, upon I closed the case, I feel urge to write this article and share with you some of my thoughts on how to be a good listener, not only in business, but also in our life.

1. Concentration

In business interviews, many candidates fail to make a favorable impression because they don't listen attentively. They have been so much concerned or even worried with what they are going to say next so that they can't keep their ears open. But many business executives said they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than most other good quality.

When someone is talking to you, do you sometimes look him in the eye pretending you’re listening, but your mind is actually miles away? Do you always interrupt him, or just be thinking about what you want to say? If you have these problems, you need to work on your concentration on listening. Hear him out first. Listen to everything he has to say before you make any response.

2.Observation

Listening is just as important in one's life as in the business world. It’s common courtesy to show your respect by using your eyes and looking at the one who is talking to you. Take your eyes off the TV, computer or whatever else you are engaged in. Give that person your attention.

For this point, I’d like to ask you think about your listening manner when your parents want to speak with you about something. Do you stop whatever you are doing and listen to them with due respect and attention? Vice versa, when you want to talk to your parents, are their eyes always on you with mildness and geniality? If so, you should have some idea what it means to be listened to like that.

3. Consideration

This might be the most important part of listening, which means using your heart. Really care about what that person is feeling or going through. Don’t just hear the person’s words, but try to understand his feelings. Ask questions that other person will enjoy answering.

Everyone of us craves a good listener. Many of us talk about the misfortune with someone else is not always to seek advice or help. All we want at that time is an audience, a friendly sympathetic listener to whom we could unburden ourselves. 

People usually know whether we’re really interested and care about what they’re saying. So, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, you should be an attentive listener first. To make your talking interesting, you need to be interested first. 

All right, in a nutshell, let’s give an ear to others. By doing so, we will not only make more friends in our life, but also enjoy the success that only comes from being a good listener. It’s worthwhile to list it into your self-improvement plan, and get a start tomorrow. Goodnight.